1. Have a God-centered vision for your children.
What do you ultimately hope to accomplish through being a Father? For many, it is simply survive. Do what needs to be done to get them through school, keep them out of as much trouble as possible, and send them off into the world. From there, help them through any crisis that comes up, which is hopefully never. For others, the goal may be to help them get into and succeed in a top level college so they can have a great career. For others, the goal is to see them become a great athlete or highly successful in some other area. What defines "success" as a father for you? The Bible calls on us to have God glorifying goals in every area of life. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Specifically about raising children, the Bible says, "Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" (Psalm 127:3-5). Saying children are like "arrows" means that they are one of the greatest weapons God gives us in achieving our main goal in life, bringing glory to God. Our first priority, what drives us to do what we do as Fathers, must be that we lead our children to love God and his Word.
2. Be the Authority Figure in Their Life.
The Bible tells children, "obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." This says something to children and parents. God has placed children under our authority. This means we are responsible for how are children are raised and what kinds of rules they must follow. Children need parents, and especially fathers, to set and enforce godly rules in the home and in life. This is a job that cannot be delegated to others. You are the one primarily responsible to require godly behavior in the home, school, and church. Certainly you work with others when your children are not directly under your supervision, but children need to know that their parents are in charge.
3. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Ephesians 6:4).
Fathers need to discipline their children. However, discipline is different from forcing good behavior. Especially when children are young, yelling and threatening are effective tools to get your children to stop disobeying- at least temporarily. But this is not actually leading them to long-term, good behavior. This is setting the stage for a "rebellious" teenager, one who reaches the age where anger, yelling, and threats are no longer effective, and true training has not taken place. Parents need to set clear rules for their children. They need to explain why the rules are there. Then they need to enforce them consistently. The temptation is to only enforce rules when the parent is in a bad mood and the behavior is really bothering them. Discipline should be motivated out of a long term desire to help your children develop godly habits, not a lashing out in anger.
4. "Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
Discipline should not only be reactive against bad behavior, but proactive in teaching good behavior. One of the most important things you can do with your children is read the Bible and pray with them. Explain what different passages in Scripture say to you. Model a heart of obedience to the Word of God. When a child does require discipline for misbehavior, use that as an opportunity to give good teaching, not merely carry out a punishment.
Trust the Bible is a weekday radio program that begins at about 8:10 each morning on WDOG 93.5 in Allendale, SC. Each program seeks to grow your confidence that the Bible is true and the ultimate resource for life. You can listen to previous programs online here: http://www.fairfaxfbc.org/trust-the-bible.html
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