Marriage

Jesus taught his followers that the Bible guides us to true success in life. Down to the smallest detail, if there is something we need to know in order to live a successful life, God has included it in the Bible. Certainly we should expect the Bible to have a lot to say about one of the most important aspects of life, marriage. In an ideal situation, you will spend more time with your spouse than anyone else in your life. Marriage can bring the greatest joys, and also some of the greatest sorrows in life. More importantly, your view of marriage, how strong your commitment to your spouse must be, when to get married, who to marry, what you can and cannot do outside of marriage, and more present some of the greatest challenges to living a life faithful to God's teachings. As a pastor I find people struggle with these kinds of questions more than any other when it comes to choosing God's ways rather than what seems right in our own eyes.

What are some basic biblical teachings on marriage? First, marriage was created by God as a blessing for humanity. God says in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." The Bible says some have a special ability given by God to be satisfied without a "helper," or companion in life, others are prevented from this blessing due to tragic circumstances. However, the normal pattern is that a man and a woman are created to be together.

Second, marriage is for a lifetime. Jesus says, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:19). Why? Jesus quotes from Genesis 2 in his explanation of marriage: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:5-6)

The idea is that a marriage occurs when God joins two people together. A divorce that a government issues does not undo what God has done. Divorce and remarriage in God's view is adultery. Who is guilty of adultery in a divorce? Sometimes both are, sometimes one spouse was faithful and the other spouse left the marriage to be with someone else. That is why Jesus adds, "except for marital unfaithfulness." Only the spouse who broke the marriage vows is guilty of adultery. The point is that even in circumstances that may require a legal divorce (abuse, drug problems, etc.) in God's view this does not free you to be with someone else. Only when the other spouse has abandoned the marriage is the marriage really over. Marriage cannot end without sin on the part of one or both parties.

Third, marriage is between one man and one woman. Although there are many instances of polygamy in the Bible, these relationships are never condoned. Genesis teaches that "the two will become one flesh," and Jesus quotes this as the authoritative teaching on marriage. Jesus also rules out any type of marriage that is not between a man and a woman, once again citing Genesis: "The Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'"? (Matthew 19:4-5). "Male and female" is a quote from Genesis 1. In other words, Jesus goes out of his way to emphasize that marriage is a special relationship designed for a man and a woman. Despite the interpretive gymnastics done by some to suggest the Bible might allow for same-sex marriages, Jesus clearly disagrees.

Fourth, and perhaps most controversial, the Bible teaches that sex is reserved for those in a marriage relationship. "The two will become one flesh," is a reference to the sexual relationship that displays physically what is happening spiritually between the two. Sex is not designed to be enjoyed outside of the bond of marriage. There is an assumption in Israelite law that when sex does occur between two people who are not married, they should then marry (see Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:28). While this is the preferred response, it is not absolute (see Exodus 22:17). The implication is that sex is an act that is designed as part of the marriage relationship. Leviticus 18 also gives a rather lengthy list of outright prohibited sexual activities, including homosexuality. The context demonstrates that this list is not simply Old Testament commands that are for the Israelites alone, but for all cultures and times (see Leviticus 18:24-28).

In conclusion, God has created marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman for a lifetime, and sexual intimacy is reserved for the husband and wife who have entered into this covenant relationship.

A number of questions and objections immediately come up. What if I have already broken one of these principles? Paul writes, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Trust in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins. Then the question is, what does God want you to  do now? Once you answer that, the next question is, will you obey? Never use the offer of God's forgiveness as an excuse to sin.

Another response is, "Why does God want me to be miserable?" Or, "Why doesn't he want me to have any fun?" Here is where trusting God is so important. You may feel like this is what following God's law will do. In fact, it may require sacrifices. However, following God's law will always be for your good in the long run. God is more concerned with your holiness than your level of happiness right now. God is your creator and knows everything about you - even your eternal future. He is infinitely better equipped to know what is really best for you.

Trust the Bible is a weekday radio program that begins at about 8:10 each morning on WDOG 93.5 in Allendale, SC. You can listen to previous programs online here: http://www.fairfaxfbc.org/trust-the-bible.html